I’ve Missed You So Much

It’s been almost two years. I’m trying so hard to not think about it and I’ve decided to just give up.
I think it’s you telling me it’s okay to think of you and it’s okay to feel bad. But the problem here mom is, I don’t want to feel bad any more.

I don’t want it to be two years since you went home to God. I want it to be two years that you got better. I want it to be two years that you can walk without a tank and not feel so worn out or tired or scared. I want it to be two years that we all got together as a family and put all our differences aside and became a family again, accepting all of our differences and loving each other just as we are.

I want it to be two years that we’ve been going shopping and buying all those nice suits you love so much.

But I know it’s not.

It’s been two years since you’ve gone home.
You are with Daddy and Wilbert. You are spending time with your dad and your mom, making up for lost time.
You feel no pain and you are happy.
It’s been two years since you’ve been experiencing all of this and its time that I put away my sadness and rejoice in your happiness.

Isn’t that what we all wanted before you died? We wanted you to be happy.

And now you are.

I love you Mami. I miss you so much.

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